Zach likes soup… and socialism
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Soup is a type of food that has caused controversy throughout its existence. Do you eat it or drink it? Do you use a spoon or go viking and slurp from the bowl? Cold or warm? The questions are endless.
But that has nothing to do with what I’m about to explain to you, precious Clarion reader. Riverside Brookfield High School has the best soups of all time. I’m not kidding. A suburban school makes the best soup I’ve ever had.
It sounds ridiculous, I know. It’s a huge stretch to say that RB has the best soups. You have to trust me though. I know my soups. In fact, I have tasted many soups in my life, starting from when I was a wee boy.
I have been raised in a soupy environment. Whether it was ramen noodles or chunky soups, I always found soup as my go-to quick meal. Things only got better from there.
Acknowledging my deep appreciation for soups, my family started to make me homemade soups. I have fond memories of my sister making me chicken noodle soup even when I wasn’t sick. The special touch that is put into homemade soup hasn’t been replicated for me whenever I go out to eat. That changed when I discovered RB soups.
I was broke one fateful day with only a dollar twenty five sitting in my pocket. I had no money to buy a real meal, and I was not about to waste my money on a bag of Doritos. Who wants to eat just a bag of Doritos for lunch? I decided that I should probably just save my money for the next day and skip lunch.
When I got back to my lunch table, a buddy of mine asked me, “Hey man, do you want my soup?” I, being the scrub I am, never deny food. Especially soup. So I replied “yes” and swiftly grasped the soup out of my buddy’s shaking hand. That day, the cafeteria was serving tomato soup.
Describing this soup is a challenge, especially since my last couple articles used up most of my adjectives and witty words. That’s okay though, because I am going to make this very simple for you. That soup was the Bernie Sanders of soup. It’s delicious socialist ideas and reforms were so robust that it’s integrity drained my system of all that is evil and unrighteous. You could taste the amount of effort that is put into the tang of that soup.
Ever since that day I’ve been getting soup on the regs. Whether it’s beef barley, cream of mushroom, or cheddar broccoli, I can’t fathom the idea that someone could hate these soups. I hope that one day, if you are a former RB student, you would be allowed to come back to the building and sample the soups that are readily available for students in the cafeteria. That would be way cool.