Guess who’s back, back again. Zach is back. Tell a friend. Zach is also going to spread the good word of SpaghettiO’s. SpaghettiO’s? Yes, my friend, SpaghettiO’s.

You may be wondering to yourself, “Zach, out of all the foods you can rant and rave about, why did you choose SpaghettiO’s?” Well, because I got peer pressured into doing it. But the real reason why I decided to review SpaghettiO’s this time is because I heard from a friend of mine that they are currently selling SpaghettiO rip offs at Aldi. Although I am not certain what the name is (I don’t bother my time with Aldi), I was informed that the name of this SpaghettiO’s imposter goes by the name of “Pasta-O’s.” That does not sit right with me. How dare someone take the time to rip off one of the most infamous shaped pasta brands out there. So now, knowing that there is an imposter being produced out there, I must brief you why I will never waste my time with a SpaghettiO’s rip off, and why I always will stick with the OG O shaped pasta.

Now, without further ado, my backstory with SpaghettiO’s is like most of my food backstories. I ate it as a child, it has a special place in my heart, it’s delicious, etc. But SpaghettiO’s are different in one aspect. I did not enjoy them as a child. Yes, there were foods I did not enjoy as a child, and SpaghettiO’s were one of them. I always thought to myself that it was a Chef Boyardee rip off, and in case you don’t know, I love Chef Boyardee. But that’s besides the point, SpaghettiO’s just didn’t cut it for me. For some reason however, my mother would continuously supply the cupboard with them beside the Chef Boyardee. Now, in the Hundrieser household, Chef Boyardee did not stay in the cupboard very long. In fact it would take about several days to empty them out of there. So when Chef was gone, SpaghettiO’s had to be the replacement.

Eventually, when I reached the age of seven, the continuous flow of Chef Boyardee and other canned goods were cut from my diet as I was getting fat. I swear to God I looked like my name was Norbert. Like fat is actually an understatement. I was so fat that I could hide action figures under my rolls. I actually once lost an Xbox remote doing that. Anyways, I always had a theory for when you change your diet. Once you stop receiving something that you were continuously getting, the more you crave it. Whether it’s food or even something as mundane as homework.

To be honest, I wish I had some cool and crafty backstory to tell you behind why I love SpaghettiO’s. But I don’t. Just one day, after years of not having them, I just started craving them O’s. Do you ever just get the taste of food in your mouth and think, “Wow, I haven’t had that shiz in a while!” Yeah, that happened to me. Sorry to disappoint folks.

However, I do have a few tricks up the ol’ sleeve, and a few phrases in the ol’ noggin. SpaghettiO’s always had me confuzzled for one reason and one reason only. Why is the sauce orange? Think about it. No one has ever brought that up or questioned it. For real, is it the way the ingredients mix with the can or something? Once I had the notion when I was a kid that maybe the sauce was crafted by a wizard who was part orange. Picture that. Picture an orange with a beard and a wizard hat stirring a cauldron ever so sinister, jam packed with SpaghettiO’s.

What’s the deal with SpaghettiO’s though? Why are they so awesome? Why do you give them so much acclaim? Should I consult a doctor about this boil? Two words. The noodles. Now why do I, Zach Hundrieser, king of food reviews, give the noodles so much credit? Well because they are smooth and feel like a whipped and slippery O of ecstasy. So back off.

Since I’m running out of fancy-shmancy words and slang to provide for your fragile little minds, and have said what there needs to be said about SpaghettiO’s, I am now officially done writing this article. Stay tasty Clarion readers.