Christmas Commercials: harmless fun, or potential doomsayer?


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Beautiful Iceberg

Connor Robey, Staff Reporter

Ah yes, Halloween season has come to an end, and pumpkin spice has temporarily retired for the rest of the year. But of course, when you get rid of one enemy, an even more lethal one will take its place. This ever increasing threat seems to be more prevalent as each year passes. I am speaking of the dreaded, Christmas commercials. This year, I saw a Christmas commercial the DAY after Halloween ended. The very second that we stopped getting free candy, the moment that the spooks stopped, Santa came in and said, “Get out of here Thanksgiving! It’s Christmas now! Time for endless amounts of mistletoe!” and proceeded to boot down the door of holiday boundaries. It seems as if  the time span in between when Christmas themed everything starts to peek it’s ugly head gets shorter each year. In a couple of years it’s going to be mid-June and cars will be driving by blasting, “Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock!”.

It does make some sense though. Why? Think of your favorite Christmas song. Now think of your favorite Thanksgiving song. Exactly. What Thanksgiving songs are there anyway? “Turkey Rock” and “My Grandma got run over by a stampede of Cranberry Jam”? But that’s besides the point. I’ve done some highly scientific research and the results state that 3 in 4 humans become brainwashed when listening to this inordinate amount of Christmas commercials! The side effects include but are not limited to: spontaneous singing, lights so bright that Gondor calls for aid, santa hats, and death.

Of course, as with every season, there is a themed flavor that takes over everything. We have dispelled the evil that is pumpkin spice only to walk right into its despicable cousin. Peppermint. Flavored. Everything. Peppermint covered pretzels. Peppermint mocha lattes. Peppermint flavored Pringles! PRINGLES! Looks like it’s time to go into survival mode again, with my supplement peppermint items. Pepper and mint.

Thank you for listening to this PSA, stay safe out there. Try to avoid all of these Christmas commercials until at least the seventh of December.