Curious case of the 400 lb lawsuit

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APRIL FOOL’S DISCLAIMER:
The story below is intended as humor only and is not intended to be accurate.  All RB community participants in the story provided written permission for their names to appear.

From the January 3rd 2003 to March 3rd 2007, a young teen named Likun gained 400 pounds in excess saturated lipids. In the recent months he has had multiple organ failures in between his gaming sessions.

On March 31st, he claimed a lawsuit against McDonalds for making him obese. After realizing that his “McDonalds & Gaming” fund was near depletion, Likun needed another lawsuit case to profit from. (After winning a case against Subway and their dangerously fatty honey mustard in 2001).

Likun’s physician says his body has literally become a fat accumulator. His sudden addiction became evident at the age of 13. He is now 17 years of age. He was interviewed and said, “Well I eat at Mickey Ds’ everyday for all three courses. From time to time if I’m feeling healthy I would have an apple pie.”

He claims that McDonalds should make their food taste plain so he can’t get addicted.

“It’s just so hard to resist. The form and fluffiness of the bun is irresistible!”

Later the day he was asked and interviewed again. The boy stated that he used to be able to walk from his couch to the kitchen, however after this massive consumption; it became such an effort that he just could not do it anymore. He also said that the food was too affordable. “There really aren’t benefits…maybe except that I can keep my own body temperature for warmth.”

Likun believes that staff at the establishments should not ask customers if they want fries or more food. Whenever he orders, he tries to restrain himself from purchasing more than he wants, but after a staff’s convincing persuasion, Likun gives in.

“They just can’t play with our minds like that. They know that we don’t want it but WANT it at the same time. I think it’s unfair and manipulative,” he said.

At the end of multiple interviews, he said that he did not know the effects of McDonalds since he did not gained a single pound for over a year. He never realized the potential dangers of over consumption at McDonalds. Likun even used Subway as evidence and stated that he had been at Subway for six years never gaining a pound but quit because the food became “boring.”

By the end of March, Likun will appeal to the Supreme Court in hopes of charging McDonalds for his medical expenses and health benefits which are estimated about 2 million U.S.D.